found a bunch of stuff i had written over a period of time lying around in some corner of my hard disk.....tht i wud put them on to the blog.......including this one from my previous blog

winter morning
freezing cold
numb fingers and numb feet
strong coffee
morning train
crowded
sea of unknown faces
sleepy,lost and searching
pink nose
big eyes
contact
smile
sunshine

withdrawing from the light
vanishing to the dark
i tear the book
page by page
and consume myself
in quiet rage
inch by inch
closer to the grave
caught in the maze
my final escape
incohernece unintelligible inhuman voices
fill my hand in random noises
i quietly bear witness to my slow decay
and remember of once when it was day
sarcasm and the cold my only friends
here i go world waiting for this end

It isnt the summer...coz the summer I can stand....the harshness of the sun....the total lack of wind.....and the feeling of being stuck.....like a sail boat in an ocean on a calm day....the dripping sweat .....the stickiness.....the relentless heat....all this i can stand.....i was built that ways.....but it is the cold....the frozen moment where time stands still.....the wind that screams past my window.....punching me in my face.....that yearning of warmth that it brings in me.....and the melancholic solitude that follows....it is the winter that causes rust to settle under my moist eyes....that slowly eats away at my soul....inch by inch.....moment by moment.......untill all thats left of me is just my body......and i am empty inside.......it is that moment when i truly feel alone but yet numb to feeling......walk through life everyday......doing what i am supposed to....saying like i am expected to...smiling.......mechanical....like a zombie....every single day.....worried that someday when i really do stop and wonder at who i am.....all i see is nothing but someone faking himself......feel like tearing my skin......my flesh.....myself apart.....as everyday i find myself sinking calmly and slowly into the water....like drowning in slow motion.....and realizing every single bubble that i blow out.....till my imminent brain damage.....and my impending death.

i am the child
at once innocent....at once wild
playful joyous and happy
small things make me content
blissfully unaware
of malice or intent
sunshine and blue skies
the first drops of rain
hot food on the table
my lifes quite the fable

i am the teen
caught between worlds
and confusing thoughts and feelings
invincible for a moment
vulnerable the next
thoughts and dreams are many
but it seems just the start of the journey
roads lie ahead unseen and unheard
unexplored and not often ventured
but i have confidence and infinite energy
i will get there u will see

i am the man
living in a twisted world
with ricocheting faiths and multi faced people
through high tides and low
i ferry each day
cutting through odds to get somewhere
better and promising than the present

sunday morning

pit in the stomach
exploding heart
blue white light
dawn
blinking cursor
half filled glass of water
sleeping face
piercing pain
quiet sounds of breathing
second
minute
hour
hourglass sideways
peaceful calm
moment in time

breakdown is only when you stand in the middle of the road
indecision will always take its load
silent noise that fills the head
confusion which path should be led

though practicality tips the cart
would you still listen to the voice of the heart
when the road down which it will lead
may bruise you, cut you, cause you to bleed
is it not better then to listen to the mind instead
safety, sanity and easier to tread

yet a gnawing feeling somewhere and you know
walk down that path and someday you will look back at this score
and wonder had the heart won
how would have your story spun

its always tough when head contends heart
tears your mind and soul apart
so heres my two pence if worth any
though what i say may not be agreed by many

in matters of money and vocation
let head preceed heart in invocation
in matters that are closer and involves feeling
the heart should leave the mind reeling

yet if you feel that this aint your way
that your minds still foggy...you dont see the light of day
ask yourself which one would make you happy in the end
coz this is just a crossing and theres more around this bend

the colors may fade....gold may turn to rust
the carnival may leave...leave behind dust
yet you will always have you to live with still
all this will then just be a time to kill

borrowed words
all been heard
staring at the ceiling
thoughts reeling
images fleeting...disconnected random at best
i forget...lest
weaving together with words few
the one over the cuckoos nest that flew

if i drink enough beer
i will get over the fear
take the leap
and not let the feeling creep
tomorrow will start over
the same song will play again
i will go through the motions
and pretend in vain
that all this is the way its meant to be
the truth is what everyone wants to see

bouncing endlessly off the wall
the crazy tennis ball
the clock....ticks a second more
all is well...this side of the door
human clay...(thank you creed)
morph in shapes till you bleed

guess two rights do make a wrong
guess there is more than one way to sing a song
so come on ye delusional whack jobs....come sing along
and oh yes it's not bryan
it's ryan

Wonderwall-Ryan Adams

p.s "bavarian heff tastes like horse piss"....lol

of queues and tokens

you know there are times when you are doing something, and you come across things that remind you of a time in the past totally unrelated....the mind is an amazing thing, it can connect things totally unrelated and still make sense of it.....something like a pipe.....like a portal that transports you from one place and time to some place else altogether

i had one of those moments today. i was watching a movie which showed these long lines of people waiting to get something....(dont know why the movie triggered it......and not the insane line outside an electronic store which me and my friends stood in, all night, to buy something a couple of years back.....the magic of the word sale!!....drives sane people nuts)....somehow i found myself walking arund this street close to home in delhi....back in the late 80's and early 90's...before the times of liberalisation, the availability of packed food, wonderful consumerism that brought everything one wanted on to aisles close to home.....one had to stand in lines for getting ration and to buy milk.....we had this mother dairy booth in our neighbourhood(white and blue as always.....strangely clinical colours....different parts of india call the affiliates of operation flood by different names....they are different cooperatives......its the symbol of the drop of milk that unite them:)....its called mother dairy in some places....nandhini in others...those are the ones i know of......the story of the operation flood by the way is one of enterprenural genius that changed the lives of millions in india......something i will go into some other time i guess).......the entire neighbourhood got its milk supply from a single store.....consequently if the truck carrying the milk supply was late....or the booth was undergoing a power cut(which was common back then)....you would end up having long queues...serpentine lines that went round the corner off the booth all the way around the park behind it and a bit into the colony....you would wait for an hour to get to the head of the line.... where the gentleman at the counter would hand you tokens(coins with the drop symbol) for 5 rupees each(hmmm was it 5)...and you would go and put it in this coin booth.....which would fetch you half a litre of milk.....on days you had to buy in liters you could ask the milkman to put it on the automatic booth....you placed your steel container(most milk containers were steel with a handle around it) in this ledge in the wall with a drip on top for the milk to fall through....the milkman would turn on the machine....and lo and behold you would get milk without the tokens!!!....one liter at a time!!....was magic back then!!

i remembered (on seeing the queue in the movie) for some reason one such evening where me, my brother and dad stood in the line for an hour to get milk on a summer evening as the sun set.....the glee to get to the front of the line is pasted in my memory:)......things have improved so much now.....i mean we have packed milk, milk in tetra packs available through the cities...everything is so readily available......i guess its more a touch of nostalgia to remember those lines and that milk booth tucked away in a colony back in delhi....